I will never understand my patients lying to me...
Do you think I am new at this, stupid, gullible, not paying attention, that you are the first to try these stunts or that I actually give a care what you do for recreation?
I actually don't care for the most part if my patients get high... it is your brain cells you are cooking not mine. What I do care about is if I ask tell me the truth. But time after time you patients look at me and bold face lie.
For the most part I already know this and just leave it at that but then there are patients that I absolutely need to know the truth to see if it is contributing to something I see that is concerning. Even in that situation you still chose to lie.. Why? Your blood will tell me how much you have had to drink and your urine will tell me what drugs are in your system. And when I get the results I will be pissed and confront you and for that little lie..no narcs for you and you get kicked out. So lets just skip that drama and tell me the truth.
Now for my other patients that like to lie are my pseudo-suicide patients. The games you are playing with your family I do not find amusing, nor will I fall for your attention getting BS. When you tell your family that you took an OD of pills and hand them an empty bottle I WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE LYING and for that you get to drink charcoal or get your stomach pumped even though you are fine. Do not tell your family you took an OD of narcotics, I can test for those and when the test comes back normal I will be pissed. Do not tell your family you took an OD of sleeping pills and alcohol, cause I can test for those also and I can tell from your vital signs that you are lying. And when I have proof of this I will show your family and educate them on the games you are playing.
Do not try and fake seizures or unconsciousness either with me.. I have ways of proving your are faking and you won't like what I do to you...but me and my co- workers will get a good laugh out of it.
So in general don't insult me and my co-workers and think you can get one over on us. We are smarter than you, more conniving than you and have ways of making you pay.
Remember KY is always optional!! So just tell me the friggin truth!