Dear Drug Seeker,
Thank You for complimenting me on my youthful appearance, despite the fact that I look in my mid 20's I am not. While I may appear to look like a new grad I have been doing this for 10 years so that compliment you gave me to distract me from your seeking behavior did not work and instead just irritated me.
For future reference when coming to the ER looking for drugs there are a few things that clue me into your game.. here is a list for you to print off memorize and use as a check list before trying this sham again.
1. Get out of your car with your act already started. You never know who will see you in the parking lot jumping out of your vehicle or running. More believable is family member running into ER grabbing w/c or walking in bent over with family supporting you on either arm.
2. Dress appropriately for the weather. When you come dressed for a blizzard in 90 degree weather I wonder what you are hiding under those sleeves.
3. When I ask you questions appear to search for answers. No one remember everything about how their injury/illness occured. Answering all my questions in one breath before I ask them tells me you aren't new at this.
4. When I pull up your sleeves dont blame the old IV marks on a blood draw this week. especially the ones on your wrist and back of arm.
5.Don't have allergies to Tylenol, Codeine, Motrin, Toradol, Morphine, Ultram, Darvocet.
6. Never rate your pain a 10/10 while munching on Doritos or laughing with your buddies
7.Don't lay on the floor and moan and cry while looking to see if we are paying attention. Instead I recommend pacing the floors stoically while periodically leaning over for a couple deep breaths. This is more effective.
8. Don't TELL me what your treatment plan should be including medication and dosages.
9. Remember who your Dr is and never state you are just passing thru on vacation.
10.And finally remember to remove your arm band that you receive at the other ER today.
I guarantee using this list will make your next try more successful and we can just skip the superficial compliments and me incurring additional L&I claims from all my eye rolling.
Sincerely~ ER nurse