Saturday, March 8, 2008

You know it is going to be a bad night when...

  • You show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital entrance.

  • The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clean up their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.

  • The off-going shift has a hard time keeping a straight face when giving report, especially about Room 15.

  • Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she can be pregnant. As she's crowning.
  • Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in different languages, none of which you speak.
  • Your next patient screams at you in a language you do understand, but you can't remember hearing that many obscenities strung together at once.
  • The intoxicated 250 lb. transvestite in Room 15 keeps trying to get your home phone number because you "are just too sweet."
  • Your next patient has maggots but isn't dead.
  • All the locked restraints are being used...on one patient.

  • The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only one who wasn't tipped off.
  • No one remembered to buy coffee,candy or chocolate.
  • You have writers' cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift left.
  • The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the same room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.
  • You get a subpoena for a lawsuit a on a patient that walked out of the department against medical advice two years ago.
  • In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients present themselves.
  • The paramedics who offered to go out and pick up lunch (and coffee) just advised over the radio they have witnessed a motor vehicle accident involving a transit bus versus a minivan. "Stand by for update."
  • It's the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and nursing students all at the same time.
  • The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a closed head injury, flail chest, and positive belly tap is in "much better shape than the one still being cut out of the minivan."
  • You hear there is an influenza epidemic traveling like wild fire through the local convalescent homes.
  • The psychiatric patient's delusions are beginning to make sense.
**I wish I could take credit for this, but I can't. If you know who wrote this, please ask them to stop stalking me or at least put on some scrubs and help out!**

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