Sunday, February 17, 2008
We are not promised tomorrow
We all know this deep down and remind each other daily when we say "I love you" when we part, when we tell our kids not to run in the road.
In my 11 years of nursing I have seen death in many forms. I have seen the death of a future with a miscarriage, the unnatural death of a child, the welcomed death of a patient tired of fighting with an unrelenting disease, nonsense death of a teen out for a ride as the passenger, the final answer to an emotionally/mentally lost soul, the inevitable death of the smoker/drinker/drug addicted, and the death my hands can't fix.
We are not promised tomorrow... but yet those left behind feel betrayed and it is us the hospital staff that has broke that promise. Robbed them of the arms that once held them, the heart that loved them unconditionally and taken away the plans and dreams they had.
We are not promised tomorrow.. we as healthcare workers know this but yet our job is to give our patients and their families that tomorrow. Sometimes we can and sometimes despite all efforts we fail.
As a nurse the hardest thing I can say is "I am so sorry, we tried everything, but they are gone" I have said it more times than I ever wanted to, but each time I mean it with all my being.
And this is what I want my families to know.. with all my being I am sorry I failed, I tried everything I could, I mourn all these deaths,they haunt my dreams for weeks after,the what-ifs plague my mind, the faces and grief of the families touch my soul.
I will carry a memory of you and your loved one until my tomorrow never comes.