Monday, February 25, 2008

Endangered species spotted..

I want to dedicate this post to those rare patients that have been rumored to exist but so rarely seen... THE NORMAL ONES!

I admit I was on a bitch roll..moody as all get-out. I know that several of my co-workers were tip toeing around me, I think that all the stress and poor morale is really getting to me in the ER. Nothing seem to help turn my disposition around. I even worked with my favorite Dr and I think that maybe we said 20 words to each other.. he freely admitted he was trying to stay out of my line of fire.. smart man, but really not the working environment I want to be responsible for..

That being said it was you my "normal" patients that kept me from completely losing it.

And what exactly does a "normal" patient look like? Let me list the characteristics.

1. First and foremost they know what "Emergency" means.
2. They have PCPs(primary care providers) and actually see them.
3. They know what hygiene is.
4. Can form complete and intelligent sentences.
5. Doesn't have an allergy list that contains Toradol,Nsaids,Morphine,Tylenol,Codeine...
6. Does not have a pain contract or careplan.
7. Understands that patients are seen in order of condition not arrival time.
8. Does not call me by name and wave from the waiting room as I walk in the hospital for work.
9. Understands the pain scale.
10. Generally has insurance or at least not a charity care patient.
11. Knows how to use Tylenol and Motrin and does.
12. Takes and completes medications prescribed.
13. Listens to medical education given.
14. Understands that I have more than one patient.
15. Never been tazed or 4 pointed.
16. Never had to be given Haldol or Narcan.
17. Does not require a dolly to get previous months ER records.
18. I don't know where their best IV start sites are from memory.
19. I don't know their med list better than my own.
20. And finally they Thank the staff for helping them.

I owe you for getting me thru this weekend.. I especially want to thank the couple that came back after their discharge to show their appreciation with hot donuts.. You get extra Dilaudid on your next visit!

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